Real Meanings of Medical Terms

Anti-body - Against everyone.

Artery - The study of fine paintings.

Bacteria - The back door of a cafeteria.

Barium - What you do after CPR fails.

Benign - What you are after you be eight and before you be ten.

Bowel - A letter like A,E,I,O,U, and sometimes Y

Cesaerean section - A district in Rome.

Cardiac arrest - Taken into custody after stealing a coupe deville.

Cardiology - Advance study of poker playing.

CAT Scan - Searching for the kitty.

Cauterize - To make eye contact with a woman.

Charlie Horse - A 10 to 1 long shot in the Kentucky Derby.

Colic - A sheep dog.

Coma - A punctuation mark.

Congenital - Friendly

D&C - Where Washington is.

Dilate - To live long.

Enema - Not a friend.

Fester - Uncle.

Fibula - A small white lie.

Genes - What you wear cutting grass.

Genital - Not a Jew.

G.I. Series - A baseball game between teams of soldiers.

Hangnail - A coat hook.

Hemorrhoid - A male alien from outerspace.

Herpes - What a woman does when we stop at a rest area.

Hormones - What a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid.

Impotent - Distinguished, well known.

Labor pain - Getting hurt at work.

Medical staff - A doctor's cane.

Minor operation - Coal digging.

Morbid - A higher offer.

Nitrates - Cheaper than the day rates.

Node - Was aware of.

Organic - An organ work repairman.

Outpatient - A patient who has fainted.

Pap smear - A fatherhood test.

Paralyze - Two far fetched stories.

Pelvis - A cousin of Elvis.

Pharmacist - A person who makes living in agriculture.

Post-operative - A letter carrier.

Protein - In favor of young people.

Recovery room - Where they do upholstery.

Rectum - Dang near killed em.

Scalpel - What you stand on to clean windows in high rise buildings.

Secretion - Hiding something.

Seizure - A Roman emperor.

Tablet - A small table.

Terminal illness - Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor - An extra pair.

Urine - The opposite of "you are out".

Vericose - Nearby.