Male/Female One Liners

How to speak of WOMEN and be politically correct:

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
   
   
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
   
   
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
   
   
4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION
   SUPERHIGHWAY.
   
   
5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
   
   
6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY
   INCONVENIENCED.
   
   
7. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
   
   
8. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
   
   
9. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY
   SUPERIOR.

How to speak of MEN and be politically correct:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
   FACILITY.
   
   
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
   
   
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
   DESTINATIONS.
   
   
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
   
   
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
   RELATIONSHIPS
   
   
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY
   HORIZONTAL.
   
   
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL
   INVERSION.
   
   
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
   
   
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.