Helpful Hints

Helpful Hint #1

If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.


Helpful Hint #2

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.


Helpful Hint #3

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.


Helpful Hint #4

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.


Helpful Hint #5

An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.


Helpful Hint #6

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.


Helpful Hint #7

High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while,thus reducing the pressure in your veins.


Helpful Hint #8

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.


Helpful Hint #9

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.


Helpful hint #10

Have a bad tooth ache? hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.