Court Questions

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one.

1. Q: Are you sexually active?
   A: No, I just lie there.
   
   
2. Q: What is your date of birth?
   A: July 15th.
   Q: What year?
   A: Every year.
   
   
3. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
   A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
   
   
4. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
   A: Yes.
   Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
   A: I forget.
   Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
   
   
5. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
   A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
   Q: How long has he lived with you?
   A: Forty-five years.
   
   
6. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
   A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
   Q: And why did that upset you?
   A: My name is Susan.
   
   
7. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
   A: We both do.
   Q: Voodoo?
   A: We do.
   Q: You do?
   A: Yes, voodoo.
   
   
8. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
   
   
9. Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
   
   
10. Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    
    
11. Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    
    
12. Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    
    
13. Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    
    
14. Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    
    
15. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    
    
16. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    
    
17. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    
    
18. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    
    
19. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    
    
20. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.